Have you ever wanted to post like ten posts in one day? Do you ever get the insane feeling of must write more… Only to end up feeling like a zombie that can’t see straight?
If you have then you know how I feel right now.
I’m a burst blogger. I write ten million things one day and then nothing for like a month. Then I realize I haven’t written anything so I post another ten million posts and so the cycle goes. I am so tired of not being able to write consistently. I want to be an at home writer or go to work and be an editor. I’m tired of making next to nothing and yes, I think I’m feeling a bit peeved because I went to college and and everything. I mean I totally deserve a shiny office with lots of bobbly things. I deserve to make enough money to pay my bills and keep my horses.
Oh, how I hate the tough times. It’s my fault really, I prayed for strength and that is what I’ve learned. I’ve learned to be strong and to fight for what I want. But, at what cost; at what reality. What did I miss by pushing forward with these dreams? Did I miss love? Did I miss that part of my path? Am I going to be single forever? My friends are all growing up and doing adult things like get married and have kids and buy houses and have careers. Where I’m still that girl with a dream riddled brain. I still dream of making it big- of getting that chance of being a success. However, as each day limps along I realize that I need to get out of that dream mode. Which might be difficult since I have narcolepsy and I am always dreaming (at least on some level).
I think one of the kickers was when my doctor assumed I was a Mrs.- that is what she put on my paperwork for my work (reasonable accommodations paperwork) and I told my boss “She put Mrs. Fountain but I’m not married” because that little modifier to my name was a big deal. I felt a little embarrassed that I was still single but being single is all I’ve ever known. Now, I’m not sure how this post diverged onto this topic but I guess it relates. I write bursts of posts based on various topics that zip around my mind. Usually, those thoughts all converge on my consciousness at once so that I am stuck writing about all of them all at once or not at all.
This year, I’m going to be a bit wiser and I’m going to schedule these posts out so that I don’t inundate everyone’s feed with like four posts in one day.
Happy New Year everyone!