I am not a patient person. I don’t like to wait in line at stores. I hate traffic and I expect things to be done when you tell me they will be done.
Which is why I love writing and tight deadlines. Give me something to write in a short period of time and I’ll get it done. I do best on the fly and down to the wire because I don’t have time to get tired.
The thing I dislike about writing is that it is a process that never ends. To become successful as a writer you have to keep writing. You can’t give up. My stubborn personality means I’ll push up to a point; if a task seems to be endless or pointless I jump ship. That’d be the anxiety talking right there.
When I had my car accident I didn’t think about getting medical treatment; I was fixated on having to get to work and that was the only thought I had. Now, as I continue with my life I just want the whole insurance thing to be done. I hate all of the red tape and paperwork and waiting. It drives me a bit insane.
Throughout my life I’ve had to wait impatiently for things to happen. Through all of that waiting I’ve begun to realize waiting is what we do.
I’m not going to lie- this second half is being written about a week after the beginning.
I’m still waiting and I’m beginning to think that my lot in life is to wait and to deal with dreams bathed in nightmares.
At least I have kittens to make life bareable. Every night when I get home from work my two kittens greet me and want pets. Two balls of fur just want to tell me they missed me and that they are happy I’m home. Animals make the waiting less gruesome.
Let’s not forget about these beauties.
Yes, I love my animals.
‘Tis the season of joy, gratitude and thanksgiving. Of believing that the words written are word written true. A time to reflect and to hope and to believe.
So, I as I sit here wondering why going forward feels so much like I’m going backwards there are other things I want to voice; to write about and yet I don’t write them.
A true writer writes the truth without regard to the feelings of others. They march up to that soap box and they proclaim their beliefs and they shout that they have the best view on things. I guess I don’t even know where I want to begin or end. It’s like my mind is spinning so fast; so out of control that the cogs are threatening to break apart; to fly off into oblivion and I’m getting sick from all of this stress.
This post isn’t what I wanted it to be. There was so much more that I wanted to write. So much more organization and structure and depth. Alas, none of it has come to pass.
The above link is a perfect explanation as to why my life is different then healthy people. I try to ignore my disease but it is there every day. When I work full time I have to give up riding and having a social life.
There is hope. For those of us who are quite certain the world is against us. The people in that article are reminders of why being stubborn and pressing on is so important. Believe me, after the weekend I’ve had I wanted to give it up. My truck is broken (again) and I went to that horrible place where I felt I needed to sell my horses. However, I am not going to do that. I am not going to give up.
Everytime I write about something good in my life unfortunate accidents happen. I have the best worst luck in the world. I recognize that now and I will make the best of it. Sure, these past few years have been tough.
But on the bottom of that article is a quote from Walt Disney “All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles have strengthened me … You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”
I sure hope he’s right because the kick in the teeth I’ve gotten isn’t one I want to sustain again. So, as this year ends I vow that some of my inefficient habits will die off. I vow to stop second guessing myself and to start taking leaps.