Well

Well, I haven’t written much lately. I swear someone cast a curse on me or something.  Every time I think I’ve made it out of the woods I find myself deeper in the thicket of confusion.
I bought a truck which is great having my own wheels again but it’s been a nightmare trying to register it and now it needs a new water pump and the hood is messed up.
Ishould be writing this post on my personal blog but seeing as I’ve fallen completely off of the NaNoWriMo bandwagon and I’m lost in the woods I think writing about all of my car trouble is fitting.
Ever since the accident I feel like I’ve lost the ability to think normally. My narcolepsy is ten times worse than before and I really just don’t care about anything any more.
I wonder why I didn’t just let myself die in that accident. Why didn’t I drive head on. All of my stresses would have gobe away.
I know don’t think like that but I am just so exhausted. I’m tired of fighting and hoping I’ll succeed and then realize I was being stupid.
Enjoy life as it comes but I’m struggling to figure out why bother when joy is overshadowed by pain and suffering.
I don’t date because my narcolepsy makes it hard for me to function. I get overwhelmed too easily and I’m afraid my narcolepsy will embarrass me. Like I’ll fall asleep on a date or I’ll lose control of my words and I’ll say something I didn’t mean.
People say life is worth it but I’m so close to giving up and letting go of all of my hopes.

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2 thoughts on “Well

  1. I applaud you for your openness. It sounds like you have a lot going on ( who doesn’t?) that could keep you tucked into your own little cocoon, but by writing and sharing, you’re at least not shutting the whole world out. Give yourself permission to have a bad period, but try to not let it define you. From experience, those things are like quicksand, you have to stop thrashing about eventually and ask for help, or you’ll be sucked in completely.

    Take care of you!

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