The Task of Writer

So as you should know- I’ve been working on several different writing projects. Most notably, I’ve been working on Duchess of the Dark. It’s had many names over the past four years and it’s gone through a lot of revisions and plot changes and growth. I once posted it on Smashwords (in its original form) but took that book down because it wasn’t what I wanted it to be.

Currently, it is a serial on Smashwords https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/FJane I’ve written two installments for it so far and although I like where the installments are going I need to work on them.

Both installments have been reviewed by the same person. The feedback was pretty much I like it but there isn’t enough of it. As an author that is the best kind of review I could receive. It ignites a fire in me- a desire to create more. When I read that I feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. I want my readers to demand more I want to see reviews like that because it fuels me to do better.

The book is still in the works. It’s take a long time for the plot to appear. Still longer for all of the characters to figure out where they are supposed to be but things are coming together. Do I expect to get rich off of these books? No, I don’t, I used think I would. I used to think that I was going to be another great but now I just need to write this story. I need to finish it. I need to make peace with it. The story is driving me insane. The only way to appease it is to write it. Stick with me as I continue to work on this crazy story.

Chasing the Dream

We all have dreams and desires. We all hope that things will fall into place and that we’ll conquer our problems and insecurities. I am no stranger to worries and fears. In fact, I am well versed in how to deal with panic attacks and stress and the episodes where it seems like the sky is falling.

I accomplished my big goals rather quickly. I’ve written about this before so I won’t write in depth about it again- I reached my goals and I forgot to plan new goals. It took me about a year to figure things out. I’ve gotten a handhold and I’m climbing back up the mountain. When I fell it hurt. My body sustained multiple injuries. I thought I was going to die. I didn’t. I’m stronger now and I know I will succeed no matter what it takes.

The company I now work for is a national chain. It has a policy of upward mobility and if a person wants to move up they can- they just have to prove themselves. I’ve proven myself over and over again. I had three different managers “fight” over me. That has done wonders to my self-confidence. My plan is to move up the ranks as quickly as I can. At the same time I am developing my writing business by writing for various magazines and writing for the Trakehner Association. I’m busy. Too busy for a social life but I know that if I put in the hard work and forgo rest I will succeed and I’ll be able to enjoy life.

That is what chasing the dream is all about- you have to be willing to walk away from your dreams and do whatever it takes to support them. Never in a million years did I think I would be working in agricultural retail. It never dawned on me as an option. Here I am though and I’m stronger because of it. I’ve had to learn about financial stability. Yes, I still slip up. I still spend too much money too fast. I’m getting better though, I’m not nearly as frivolous with money as I used to be. This translates into becoming a better money manager which I’ll need those skills when I am running my own businesses. I am developing a networking base and a client base. Once I have those in place money will start trickling in (it already has). The biggest thing is that I just have to stay the course and not give up.

Things are moving towards a positive light.

Quick Plug

Hey Readers!

I just want to say thank you for checking out my blog. It means a great deal to me. I’m currently working on writing notes/ scenes/ ideas down for next week’s serial as well as some new material.

Please help me gain the exposure I need to better serve you.

Have any tips or suggestions to get my work into the right hands? Let me know.

Sincerely,

Felicia

Oh if you haven’t already done so download: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/475244 the first serial in the series!

Of Sleep and Such Silly Things

Well, I haven’t written about narcolepsy in a while. Most would assume that is because I don’t struggle with the disease or that it isn’t a big part of my life. Those assumptions are very wrong. I went without my meds for about four days. During that time I felt sluggish and as if I was in a different reality. I couldn’t focus nor could I stay up past 9 PM without feeling like I was going to pass out. During the day I would think about napping and sleeping; I wished constantly that someone would rescue me from having to be awake. I wished for someone to sweep in and say “I’ve got this- you go rest now.” Oh, how I wanted to rest. Oh, how I wanted to stop counting pennies and take a breather from worrying about whether or not I have enough money to buy a bale of hay for my horses. Everything cost so much energy.

Today- I got my meds and let me tell you I feel wonderful. The past few days I downed caffeine like it was blood. It would keep me awake for a little while but it didn’t sustain me. I drank way too much soda. Today, I drank one soda- not because I had to but because I wanted to. I didn’t need the caffeine- I drank it for the taste.

That is the difference of when I take my medication. I feel normal- alive and well. I feel like I can accomplish my dreams instead of watching them drift away. Some might say my posts are all over the place- that there are too many highs and lows. I would say that that is the effects of the narcolepsy- The struggle to get through life with a leaky tank.

I talked to a nurse the other night. She said that lyme can cause narcolepsy- does it really? Could my disease be cured? Could I live without having to take meds? Is it possible? I think I’ll be exploring that option as I want to know if there is a way to get rid of this disease.

The flip side is that I’ve grown used to having narcolepsy- I’ve grown used to rolling my eyes when people complain about how tired they are. I’ve grown used to people brushing off my illness like it’s all in my head. I’ve grown used to people not understanding my struggles. I’ve given up hoping that there are people out there who will support me when I can barely get out of bed.

I’m driven to succeed and I’ll do what it takes. Narcolepsy slows me down but I’ve grown used to the handicap. I’ve grown used to the extra baggage I have to schlep around each and every day. It’s helped be become a better writer. It’s helped me to understand that people have demons we can’t see. It’s helped me to be more reasonable and more accepting. I dream (and yes, I actually do dream of this whilst I sleep in my cramped twin bed) of a man who is resilient and considerate. I dream of a man who wants to care for his family. I dream of a man who want me to have an easy life, a good life. I dream of a man who want to teach me what it is to enjoy life. I dream of a man who takes risks and pushes himself to be a better person. I dream of a man who embraces my short comings as I embrace his. This man is in my dreams and I wish for him to be real. To be more than a facsimile of my heart’s yearnings . I dream of a man as unique and interesting as I am. I dream, oh how I dream.

Check out http://feliciajane.blogspot.com/ for more musings and poetic mutterings

Clear your schedule for 30 minutes

Ahem!

I’ve been in the shadows, lurking about in the darkness pulling ideas from the hereafter and making notes in one of my various journals. Oh and I’ve been rushing towards stability and the safe route for that is what I need to be who I want to be.

While in those shadows I discovered some things about myself. I found parts of me that I thought were gone. They weren’t lost just misplaced.

Oh, enough of this randomness. I have an announcement to make-

I have sent out Duchess of the Dark to multiple agents and have heard back from them all- Rejection after rejection “This isn’t what we are looking for…” I get it. The story as it was sent out wasn’t what they wanted. Well, I don’t want them either. Instead, I’m going the route directly to the readers.

I will be publishing this serial through smashwords.com. Here is the link to the first serial . Also I’m posting occasionally on my personal blog . Check out both of those if this page gets a little stale. Chances are I’ve posted something on one of them.

The schedule for the serial is I will publish it every Wednesday. This part was 2000 words. Each part will increase in word length by 500 words. There may be times when I publish something else (based on whatever story has my attention). For now what I publish is free! So check it out.

As I get my life into some sort of schedule I will also have an email list set up. I will send out once weekly newsletters to my readers- mainly to let you know I’ve published another story or if I have something exciting going on in my life.

I’ve written on my personal blog that I’m done with writing which was of course a lie. I can’t stop writing. I’d sooner cut off my left arm (I’m left handed) than stop writing.

So download the story and tell me what you think. I’m open to ideas and help.

Here’s a little tidbit-

While Laila is indecisive and afraid of love and romance, Sula is quite the opposite. Sula and Frederick’s relationship is going to get hot. Spicy and delicious.