As May turns to June

I let out the inner me. She had fun. She laughed, she danced and she was beautiful.  Beauty is as beauty does. When I awoke from four hours of sleep I felt fine. Then the days wore on and now I am feeling the pain from all of the energy she used. She’s asleep now and dreaming big dreams but the one whose face I see in the mirror looks like a ghost.
Shadows of a difficult life are etched beneath eyes that are flat and glassy. My face is wrinkled and pain reverberates from my shoulder, neck and back. Injuries that were never allowed to fully heal.
I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. The wax is almost gone and I am hoping it is enough.
My dreams are all looming in the distance and I feel I must let them go. I feel trapped. As though I am in a corner woth no way out and my dreams are being ripped from my cold fingers.
I’m so cold.
I fought for so long and I dreamed pf big things. I’m living the dream. Just not the dream I had planned on.
I’m faced with a choice and I don’t see how I can get around it.
To become an adult you have to make sacrifices but haven’t I already made enough?
I guess I haven’t.
Time to cut off two limbs. I hope I can survive the blood loss. My mind is being ripped apart from the inside out as she slumbers and dreams of things that cannot be.


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