I’ve hit a lot of unexpected bumps in the road this year; I guess you never expect to hit bumps in the road. I guess I just figured that the road would be less bumpy.
I’ve struggled with getting burnt out and I’ve struggled with my personal demons; one of which is depression. Now, I could have continued to let my life spiral downwards. In fact a lot of my problems were because I pushed myself too hard and didn’t rest when I needed to. I ran from my problems instead of facing them. I was trapped in a room full of self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy.
I still struggle with them and anyone who has to deal with those feelings understands that the war is never over when you are your own worst enemy. Several times this past year I blamed God and I wanted to walk away from Him. I had this sense of I’m not good enough for God. I felt that God hated me. Why would He let all of this happen to me? Why would He dangle a beautiful future in front of my face only to rip it from me. I wondered these things and I continued to suffer and I continued to fall deeper into self-doubt and self-pity. I would also guilt myself by saying that I should be thankful; I live in the USA and have so much more than most of the other people on this earth.
I would hear people say “What do you have to hate in your life? Why are you so miserable? Just be happy!” I would read articles that said It’s as simple as focusing on x, y, and z. If you just change your mindset then you will be happy. Happiness is a conscious decision not an emotion. When you are dealing with depression those sentences are like slaps in the face. I would think to myself- those people are idiots.
Then I took a sales job and I started to realize that you have to choose to have a specific mentality. Honestly, I think those who are depressed should take a job in sales because the positivity and the energy is infectious. I worked door to door sales for a brief time but during that time frame my thought processes began to change. I am changing. I am choosing success.
I am a hard worker but my attitude isn’t always where it needs to be. I am a creative soul and I use that to deflect the truth. I’m not done learning yet. The flip side is that I also need to respect myself. I need to believe in myself. Working a sales career teaches you to believe in yourself. It also reminded me that God believes in me. He is active in my life and I am so thankful for what He had done.
I’m excited to see where He is taking me. I am trusting in Him. I am going to plan every day and I’m going to commit to certain tasks daily.
I hope you join me in transforming your life. I hope you begin to believe in yourself because I believe in you. Even more than that God believes in you. He is there to support you no matter what. He will guide you. He will never let you down. God has taught me that; even though I’m stubborn and inclined to leap before I look. God loves me because I am a dreamer and He has given me my talents and gifts for a reason.