Temptation Tuesday

Blogging and writing is an outlet for those who think a little and for those who think a lot. There are blogs about anything and everything and that is good.

The world is becoming hyperlocal. Stories about the most remote village on the other side of the world gain international attention in a matter of minutes and yet the stories of the everyman seem to drift through the cracks.

First and foremost, I want to say that I am living a beautifully chaotic and unsettling life but that I have learned so much about the people i know because of it. I have met amazing people who aren’t afraid to take a chance and help out a relative stranger. I have met people who pause in their busy lives and lend a hand to a person who has gotten stuck among the briars.

It makes me want to help out others and to provide them with the help that I have received from so many amazing people. As a writer I often get stuck on the things I need to fix in life. I am very negative about my future prospects and I find that I forget to pause and reflect on how lucky I am. I live in a place where my friends saw I needed help and extended assistance, no questions asked. Every single day I am reminded of how blessed I am.

Yesterday I was having a very rough day. I was feeling like there was no way out. A friend of my reached out to me and provided me with exactly what I needed. My life has been extremely difficult these past few months (my own doing) and I am struggling to figure out what to do. I am a dreamer a “utopian schemer” where I have these grand expectations and dreams and I keep on hoping that things will pan out. I am also one of the “good girls” didn’t party in high school, nor in college. I abided by curfew and I respected the rules. I did as I was told and I never did drugs. Yet, it seems like those who took chances back then are living more successful lives.

The temptation for me right now is to give up and to give in. The temptation is to say I no longer believe in God nor do I believe in his plan. The temptation is to throw away my good girl persona and forget who I’ve worked so hard to become. Parts of me are slipping; becoming a bit unstable. Sanity is subjective, right?

I think all writers, novelists, authors, and artists run into this problem. The need to dream and create versus the need to pay the bills and accept defeat.

Part of it, I think, comes from the society and culture I grew up in. I believe in fairy tales maybe a little more than I should. I grew up addicted to the notion that a chance incidence will change your life and you’ll suddenly be a superstar with more money than you know what to do with and all of your money problems will be miraculously solved by this chance happenstance. 

It’s funny how that belief can wreck your entire thought process. I write about those types of things. My stories are all about young women who are down on their luck and then suddenly something happens and poof. They’re problems are solved and replaced by new ones. 

Laila is a young woman who just wants to live a “normal” life. She is extraordinary though and as such she isn’t slated for a “normal” life. I have the story in my head and it wants to erupt; to come to life but I am dragging my fingers at the thought of delving that deep into a character and into that world.

I want to write this novel in a manner that will create hordes of readers and I want to be a novelist more than almost anything else. 

What I really want is to be able to dream big and to keep my dreams going. I want to keep my horses but it seems that reality is quite certain to take them from me.

As a writer I need recognition. 

If you like what I write then hit the like button below and share it out. It takes a nanosecond.

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