Never underestimate the power of a horse who can blog. Julie is quite special. She has been with me throughout many difficult times and has always believed that I would overcome whatever was in my way. However, I must say that she isn’t the only one who believes in me. I have a whole team of cheerleaders and people who are saying you can do this. I just get tunnel visioned sometimes. I’ve addressed that fact multiple time on my other blog and I do not want to focus on that. I have a different agenda for this blog post.
First and foremost, I want to say thank you to everyone who is cheering me on. You have no idea how much your support means to me. I am a bit bewildered by how much you all care for me. I’m a little shell-shocked I guess. Secondly, Julie mentioned how she was worried I was going to be living out of my car and I was worried about that fact as well but I have amazing friends and they would never let me live out of my car so know that I will always have some place to go.
The reason I’m writing this post is because I want to catch you up on what has happened in my life. I explained a bit of what happened on my About Me page and so I won’t talk about that again. I am in a unique situation where I find myself having to learn a whole new set of skills. While working in the horse industry directly I was comfortable. Once you know how to take care of a horse that information never leaves you. The problem is when you realize you have other interests as well and that you want to do something besides work in the horse world. Enter me.
All of the sudden I find myself having to rethink how I present myself to others. I am someone who is very much “This is me, take it or leave it.” Which is a problem in the real world because people expect you to follow certain ways of behaving and most of the time the nuances of human interaction are beyond me. It takes me forever to realize that there is subtext in all human communication. Which is funny, because with horses you have to understand subtext.
This relates to writing because I want to be a novelist. My two overarching dreams (career paths) are to be a novelist and a horse trainer/ barn owner/ riding instructor. Somewhere along the way I forgot that learning to write well and to create content that is engaging takes a lot of trial and error and time. It should have been clear to me that in order to write well I need to put in a lot of hours just like with riding. You have to put in thousands of hours to become a good rider.
Maybe I am attracted to both writing and riding because they are both labor intensive passions. When I was little I was a horrible speller. I remember getting a quiz back and there was red marked all over it. I think at that point I decided I wanted to prove that teacher wrong. The same applies to riding. The first time I ever rode a horse I fell off and something inside me decided I wanted to be the best rider possible.
I have trained horses and I have trained riders. I have done a lot in the horse world. I think the reason why I keep getting burnt out is because I forget that I need to develop skill sets in other industries. I need fall back plans. As a writer I want to be the best; I want to have novels on the New York Best Seller’s list in sci/fi and fantasy. I want to see my name on the front of books and I want people to know that achieving your dreams is possible. Just don’t give up.
Right now, my life is in flux and it would be easy for me to drop all of the difficult things and say OK, time to start over. That isn’t who I am though. I have started the process of becoming an insurance agent which is cool because I get to help people figure out what they need to keep their families safe should unexpected events happen. The truth is, though, I want to write stories and create worlds where people can escape from those difficult situations and find solstice in an imaginary world with characters that are relatable.
Which means that I will write no matter what. On this blog the author provides the definition for amateur; basically that an amateur is someone who does something for the love of that thing not because they get paid to do it or because it is their job. In college one of my professors said find what you love to do and find someone who will pay you to do what you love. The question is what do I love to do and is there a job/career out there that will pay me to do what I love?
I’ve realized that I love writing and that I’ll continue to write no matter what. I actually have a lot of things I do everyday; things some would say are jobs but I don’t always get paid for those things. I care for my three horses every day. Ideally I would be paying myself for that but I don’t. I write all the time and at the moment don’t get paid. I research topics and think and dream and imagine and create. The things I am good at all deal with the brain and I have yet to find someone who want to pay for ideas. No, they all want me to pay them to make my ideas realities.
Here is the thing- I would probably do pretty well in political jobs but I have no desire to do more grunt work. I have a complex I guess. One where I think to myself “I’ve spent years mucking stalls, I shouldn’t have to be someone else’s lackey.” Which is evident by my education and why national chains won’t hire me nor will entry-level jobs look at my resume. On the other side of the coin companies looking for specialized employees see my resume and say nope, not for us. You don’t have the qualifications we are looking for; we’re going in another direction.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Although it could be because I keep doing these things when I know I should be changing my habits. Also it could be because I read too many cracked.com articles, like this one that makes it hard for me to concentrate on what I should be doing.
Or maybe it is because I’m left-handed and therefore the world is out to get me. *cough* sarcasm *cough*
Whatever the reason for why I am at this point in my life; my main goal is to help others to avoid the pitfalls I’ve faced. What struggles have you encountered or are currently dealing with?